1 day was disbelief...10 days were filled with grief...100 days still longing for you...now 1000 days have come and gone since you were with us last and all of those emotions are still within me...how many tears have come and gone in 1000 days...how many times since I saw you last have I recalled the last nightmare...how many regrets can you conjure in 1000 days...how many recriminations can I cast against myself...how many heartaches can be withstood in 1000 days...through it all I have one redeeming grace to help me continue ... and that it I have had 1000 days filled with a million memories of you and all of us which are filled with the joys you brought to the family and to me...I am thankful for the pleasant and joyous memories now because I know that with eternity ahead of me...1000 days is not that very long and yet it feels like eternity.
I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH...STAY CLOSE TO ME AND TO ALL THE FAMILY....FOREVER IN MY HEART AND CONSTANTLY IN MY THOUGHTS
Well Mikey, it's been a while since I've written anything here ... another holiday is upon us and it still isn't any easier. I read Gram's candle about the last 4th of July that you were here for ... I miss having you here for these things. I think about you all the time, and the littlest things remind me of you at random times. But the holidays are always the hardest because those are the times that family is supposed to be together. Now, I can't help but dread those times because there is always this void where you are missing.
Well, I just wanted to say that I love you and miss you so very much! I hope you have a great view for some 4th of July fireworks!
Happy 4th July Dear Michael / Denise Kneale (angel friends )
Happy 4th July Michael, have a wonderful time with all our Angels, once again lighting up our skies with your celebrations and leaving your dear family small signs of your love, peace and strength. Love Never Dies.
Thinking about you Honey / Mom
Just wanted to write a quick note Honey and let you know that I see the butterflies. I know you are saying hello when you send one and even though I talk to you each time, I want you to know how very much they mean to me. I love you Michael.
It's been a while since I've stopped by to say hello. I guess I've been busy with all the craziness and we have our conversations all the time! This have been so stressful lately. I really wish you were here. I know you'd help me through and tell me that everything would be fine and to stop worrying!
Lacey & I celebrated our third wedding anniversary yesterday. Can you believe it's been three years? It feels like it was a lifetime ago! I still remember it as if it were yesterday. I remember dancing with you, talking and laughing together. I miss those days. I miss you.
Keep your fingers crossed for me. There are a few things I have in the woks and I'm hoping all goes well!! I know you are excited for me and I have no doubt that you'll be with me today. Stay close.
Well my friend, I must get back to work. I miss you Michael. I love you and think of you every day. I know you're still with me :)
Dear Mom, Remember I am always close to you and my precious family, leaving small signs of my love, peace and strength for you all...Love never dies xxx
Thought you would like these lyrics to the song Lost by Michael Buble. I had it playing on James' site a while back and felt it was written by our Angels for us xxx
"Lost"
I can't believe it's over I watched the whole thing fall And I never saw the writing that was on the wall If I'd only knew The days were slipping past That the good things never last That you were crying
Summer turned to winter And the snow it turned to rain And the rain turned into tears upon your face I hardly recognized the girl you are today And god I hope it's not too late It's not too late 'Cause you are not alone I'm always there with you And we'll get lost together Till the light comes pouring through 'Cause when you feel like you're done And the darkness has won Babe, you're not lost When your worlds crashing down And you can't bear the thought I said, babe, you're not lost
Life can show no mercy It can tear your soul apart It can make you feel like you've gone crazy But you're not Things have seem to changed There's one thing that's still the same In my heart you have remained And we can fly fly fly away
'Cause you are not alone And I am there with you And we'll get lost together Till the light comes pouring through 'Cause when you feel like you're done And the darkness has won Babe, you're not lost When the worlds crashing down And you can not bear the cross I said, baby, you're not lost I said, baby, you're not lost I said, baby, you're not lost I said, baby, you're not lost
(((Kim)))
A good book to read: Love Never Dies by Sandy Goodman...True story of a mother's journey from loss to love xx
miss you / Joel
just got home was thinking of you today alot i met someone who is just like you its too funny act like you talk like just not as funny but o well sometimes i think thats your way of telling me its ok i wish i stoped this but i didnt know you were going to do this as you did. for a longtime i thought joel you messed up and i beat myself up about it and when it got to its worst that dude came around so thank you mike for that if it is a sign you made my life not day life cause going on felling like that was not good it was hard i thought people were saying why didnt he do anything? i trusted you alot and you told me no when i asked thats the hard part i love you mike Close
I stand within the walls of Teen Challenge, amongst many others who struggle with our similiar problems, worshiping our Lord, I can feel his presence, and yours. I know you are with me because I can sence your soul near me. I wonder why God didn't save you thru Teen Challenge, I wish you could stand with the graduates; whose lives have been saved from the world's hell. I realize you were saved in another way, God was ready for you, his plan was bigger and better for you. You are free from all your pain and suffering and we are the ones left behind to suffer. We must remember and believe so we can be reunited for our everlasting eternity in the presence of God.
God only knows why you are there and not here... but who am I to question the Supreme Father"??..//Well to tell the truth I am the Man who gave you life and brought you into this world...and even though He may feel as if He has final jurisdiction over you...let me just say here and now...He had no business taking you from me before I had the chance of seeing your life come to full fruition... He may have known where your life was going ...but I didn't...and He should not have deprived me and your mother and your family of that prospective awakening of your spirit.....we all knew that you had such potential in you...why could we not have realized it...it just doesn't seem quite right... and yet for all we know...we might have been able to reverse the final outcome,,,,But I can only hope and pray to that same God and Justice that we did all we could and that He alone felt that He could make you ultimately happy and serene in your soul....I pray every night that He was right...
For all we did ...and for all we didn't do...I still love you today and yesterday...and for every tomorrow without you...we will always be here forever waiting for a sign that you are still our son and love us as you always did...
Dear Son,\Can It possibly be 900 days!!! How Swift the time has gone since I last saw and held you in my arms,,,I cannot believe that 900 days has passed and we know how gentle your heart is resting in ours,,,some days it does seem as if you have been gone forever... and yet we feel you as if it were yesterday...feeling that passing kiss on our cheek,,,that unforgetting smile on your face and that ringing in our ears from that laughter of love which you always had...how dearly we wish that could be ours again for just one more day...how much joy we had last week with Jacob and Janet and more dearly with Aiden Michael...oh how I wish that you could have gone on to give me one more namesake of James...but oh... all the wishing and hoping in the world was not to be for me...alas that seems to have been my fate...not nearly as devastating as your fate dear son, but still it is a wish I always held so very close to my heart...a grandson with my name ...a delight I feel I will never behold...but in all of God's eternal heaven I could never have wished for more in my life than what I found with you...a son whose love was so pure and so true and so heartfelt that all the world could find that you were an angel in waiting to His Holy fold...and for that I will be eternally grateful...knowing all that I know and Knowing all that I know you went through in your brief life...I am feeling so blessed to have been the parent to your life even though I am sorely remiss that I could not have made it better......and yet through it all ...whatever our dis-harmonies and our discords may have been... in my heart I feel as if I always had you as my son and my love for you was unwavering and un -questioning......may God keep you so closely in His arms...forever...at least until I can get there to take his place and keep you for eternity in my heart...I love and miss you so very very very much...
Happy Easter Micheal! My mom was telling me about how close you and her used to be. She said around this time of the year she brought you to the mall to go shopping with her, and you just ran and ran the whole time. You turned around to say, "Look at me" and hit your head on the sighn. My mom said that when ever Eater comes now thats what she thinks of. We all love you.
As I’ve been running around getting everything ready for Easter dinner and making an Easter basket for Aiden Michael, I can’t stop thinking about your excitement around every holiday. It didn’t take much for that joyful enthusiasm of yours to show through. You’d be excited tonight because you’d know that no matter how old you were there would be an Easter basket for you in the morning. Although you’d probably be more excited that we were having ham for dinner! As I was preparing the dishes I was thinking, “This was Michaels’ favorite potato dish.” “Ham was Michael’s favorite”. And I laughed about the time we were having turkey for a holiday meal and you whined and complained so much that we weren’t having ham; Dad bought a little one pound canned ham to cook especially for you. You enjoyed that ham so much Michael. You kept telling us how good it was and that we all needed to taste it. And then the next day you were a little regretful that you had everyone taste it because it was all gone! There are so many special and funny memories Michael. But still Michael, with all those memories is the profound loss and sadness that we feel. I miss you so much Honey. I know you’re around us and you’ve sent me so many signs that you are with me. And those times when I know that you’ve touched me so that I could feel your love. I am so very, very grateful for those times. But it doesn’t make me stop missing you and it doesn’t take away the sadness of not being able to have you here.
I’m sure you know that Jacob, Janet and Aiden Michael are on their way to visit us and that you are watching over them as they travel. Dad and I are excited that they are coming and it means so much to us that Jacob keeps in touch. I just wish you could be here too Honey. You’d be excited about Aiden’s basket and the toys in it! You’d be on the floor with him first thing in the morning playing with the Thomas train. I know you’ll be here Michael, watching and enjoying a child’s delight. And while you’re here Michael, let me feel another hug from you. I know you’ll also be at the Easter Egg Hunt at Uncle Kevin’s watching Hannah and her cousins having fun. Give Kevin a hug too while you’re there! Have a Happy Easter Michael.
Thinking about you / Alyse
I am Eddie Marietta's niece in GA and remember you from when I was little. I'm praying for your family, Michael and want you to know how loved you were by Eddie. You are missed very much. Close
Hello My Friend :) / Lisa
So, I'm just sitting here thinking of you. Some nights when it's late and I can't sleep I think of you. You and I had some of our best talks because we couldn't sleep! I remember when first met waaaaaaay back in the day. We'd stay up all night talking on the phone! Then we'd get up and go to school and talk there too. It's a wonder how we ever functioned! It's crazy how much life changes. I don't think I could stay up all night if I tried! I have tried. When we go out dancing or something I'm always tired come 10:00. That's usually my bed time! It's rough getting older.
I don't have a particular reason for writing to you right now. So, I suppose anyone reading this is going to wonder what the hell I'm babbling about, but that's what we did! We just talked about everything and anything to entertain each other. It's times like these that I miss you the most. I miss having my best pal to joke around with. I miss having you to turn to when I couldn't sleep or when something was bothering me. I miss just laughing with you. I miss our silliness. I miss the long rides, the visits, the goofiness we shared. I miss my friend.
I know that I'll never find that friendship in another person. I'll never have another Michael. I'll never share the friendship that we had with anyone else. It's a bittersweet feeling because I miss our friendship so much I wish that I could find it in someone else, but I know that it was because of our relationship that it was such a special bond. I know that can never be replaced and I don't ever want it to be ... it was something that we shared. It was special. I've always said that our frienship is eternal. It has no end.
I guess that's enough rambling for now. I should try to get some sleep. I miss you so much Michael.
Until we meet again my friend I send my love to you ... stay close. Close
Family Gatherings .. / Lisa LaDue
Today we will be heading up to Aunt Mary & Uncle Larry's to visit with Jamie, Tab and Cara. While we enjoy being with the family and seeing everyone it is so hard for us to get through these events. Seeing everyone simply reminds us of who we're not seeing.
I know that you are with me every day. I know that you are here and I can feel you around. I just miss you so much my friend. People say that it gets easier with time .. when? When does it get easier? It's been over two years and every day is still a struggle to get through. It doesn't get better with time. You just learn how to deal with the pain and sadness a little better each day. That's my conclusion!
There are so many days when I could just use your advise. So many days when I just need for you to be there .... to just listen. You were my go to guy. We had our necessary venting sessions every single day and now I'm still trying to adjust to not having them. Well, we still have them they're just more one sided!! It's funny because I was usually the one listening to your venting and giving you advise on how to deal with things. Now, I need for you to do that for me. I know that you will. I know that you are here. I know. It still doesn't make it any easier!!!!
Well, I suppose I should go and get ready. I think your sister might get mad if I don't! ha ha! You know just how much I love driving her insane :) I't so easy to push her buttons and I do it so well too! Just another thing we have in common my friend! Stay Close
Michael, Its a new year full of new stuff. Since Hannah and I returned home it just all seems so overwhelming. But sooner or later it will all slow down and be back to normal. Today while I was shoveling out your Beautiful Christmas Tree and the AMAZING log Lisa made I was thinking back to before my Grandmother passed away, she use to tell us not to come visit her after she passed cause she wasnt there, how she would get mad at us. I dont listen you know that, and I visit her everytime I go to Texas and I can almost feel her slapping me on the side of the head. But I truely feel like I am closer to you when I am out there, and yes I still talk out loud to you, people think I am nuts already so it doesnt matter. We missed you this Christmas and although I could feel you there, I still felt so far away. I woke Hannah up on Christmas morning and she looked at me and said " Mommy why did you wake me up I was dreaming of "MY" Michael" I felt so bad yet I was unbelievably happy to know you were with her. We miss you everyday and love you more with each passing day. And one day we will see you in heaven my friend. Love Always Joy
Merry Christmas My Friend! / Lisa
Merry Christmas Michael!!
I know that you are enjoying this joyous day. I'm sure that you are one of the most excited childlike people up there celebrating today! I can not imagine the fun you must be having! I know just how much you love Christmas and all that goes with it. The colored lights, the Christmas carols, the presents and all of the toys! I remember a few Christmases ago when we were down you were playing with Selena's toys as she opened them and even tried sleeping in her tent! I don't think she was having any of that even if you are her Uncle!
I miss you so much my friend. I know that you will be making your rounds today and visiting all of the family. We all miss you so very much. Christmas is definitely not the same without your big smile and playful spirit.
Merry Christmas my friend. I love you so very much. Close
Christmas without you Again / Dad (Beloved Father )Read >>
Christmas without you Again / Dad (Beloved Father )
Dearest son, I was just watching Midnight Mass on TV and I couldn't help but put some of the sentiments of the holiday into words for us and you. This is the season of Glory to God on the Highest...I can't help but be reassured that this ...the third Christmas without you here...must be an extremely glorious holiday in heaven with you there to share all your excitement over the holiday as much ...no more...than you could experience here since now you are with the true reason for Christmas...the child Christ whose day it is to celebrate. What a wonderful birthday party you must be having with all the angels in celebrating the birth of Christ Jesus. The other important sentiment of Christmas is for Peace to His People on Earth...a valiant challenge to express but a difficult one to hold for us who are here still missing those who have gone before us to heaven... we still miss you so very much and this is a very difficult time for all of us here because we remember and so earnestly miss the childlike naivete that you could hold for Christmas... you delighted so much in the colors and sounds and simplicity of the chilldren who believed and waited so eagerly for the Christmas morning excitement...just as you did...even when you were no longer a child physically you still delighted in the joys of the children...always eager and willing to get to their level to express the same simple pleasures they were feeling, to share your own joys and excitement with them, to get down with them and play when they needed someone to do it the most...at that special moment of Christmas morning. I so dearly wish we could experience your enthusiasm and love for the innocence of the season with you again...if only for one day...or even one hour.We will miss you so very much again this year...it will be doubly felt since we will not be home with Kevin and Lacey and all of the rest of the family this year... the holiday is so desperately family time and without you it is just not the same...and we will feel it more without all of the family to help us to struggle through this "season of Joy"...Please stay close to all of us this Christmas even though we are apart from our loved ones...for this is when we need your feelings of joy and peace most...we know that you will be here in our hearts and always on our minds today...so please let your exuberant presence be known to us all and bring us to the true meaning of Christmas and help us to realize that your day in Heaven is just as special as any day on earth would be regardless of how much we miss you. I love and miss you so very, very much and even though it does not seem to be any easier here without you...I want to wish you a Happy Happy Christmas, dear son, and hope that you wish us all the peace of heaven and earth this Christmas Day.
Love you always and am sending you great hugs and kisses and joyful wishes for the rememberance of Christ's Birth. Close
Holidays/ Lacey (Sister)
Well Mikey, it's getting to be that time of year again. We went and put your tree and decorations up at the cemetery, as I'm sure that you know. I looked and looked for battery operated lights that could be used outside, but was not able to find anyway. I know that colored lights are your favorite and I really wanted you to have them, but I suppose that the universe was against me on that one.
Anyway, we got your tree up and decorated. And Lisa did a fantastic job on the wreath that she made for you, I hope you like it. Of course, your snowman from Selena had to get put out as well. She even remembered which one was yours and which one was for Brian.
Hopefully the tree stays up, but I'll keep going down to check on it. We'll also continue to have a candle going for you through the Holidays. I hope you like all the Christmas decorations that everyone has put up for you; although I'm sure that you've been successful at getting your way where you are now.
Remember to stay close as often as you can. The holidays are so very difficult without you here. You were always so jubilant and excited at this time of year and we're all missing that and you terribly. Focus on Mom, Dad, Gram, & Gramp if you could; unfortunately we're not going to be with them this year so I need you to make sure that you are.
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